Madison wanted to have sex with her boyfriend for the first time. They had planned it; they discussed what they need to do to protect themselves. Everything was in order. They had a hotel room reserved and they were going to have a romantic dinner prior to the main event. She trusted him. There was really nothing to worry about except for her own ability to stay cool.
He wasn’t pressuring her into it; she did want to do this. However, as much as her body was crying out for it, her mind was holding her back. She couldn’t even really name her fears. She wasn’t afraid of diseases, since they’d both been tested. She wasn’t afraid of pregnancy, because they both knew about birth control. She felt like she wasn’t afraid of any of the normal things that people were supposed to plan for and move past.
This was a more primal and inarticulate fear that she couldn’t even begin to dissect. It was just sheer panic. There was part of her that was worried that it would turn out that she was terrible in bed and would be a huge disappointment. There was also certainly part of her that was afraid that the whole experience wasn’t what it was cracked up to be, which was something that could really make a person less optimistic. Being an adult virgin had already heightened the anticipation, since most of her friends had lost their virginity previously. She’d never gone that far with her other boyfriends. Maybe this delay had also heightened her fear as well and led it to the point where she’d practically be scared to perform.
The hours kept getting later and later and before she knew it, it was time. The moment arrived so fast that no matter how much time she’d spent fearing it, it had arrived anyway and she still didn’t feel any more prepared. However, Andre was there and he immediately sensed what was wrong. Madison couldn’t stop herself from bursting into tears at the revelation of how nervous she was. The two of them talked it over and decided that it could wait. After all, they had waited this long. There are lots of different ways to achieve intimacy, and it doesn’t all have to be physical intimacy. The delay was enough for her to feel better about the future date they’d chosen.
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